Sustainability and a Soft Heart

It always amazes me how just when my feet are steadying on the new ground I tread, that the end lurks nearby, and change is yet again ready to sweep me off my feet.

When I first got to Malawi, I'd constantly asked why, and had to take deliberate time to pause and ponder my actions. I can now say that I'm getting into the swing of things. I'm adapting to the culture, to the TIA(this is africa) moments, and to the heartbreaking realities of nationals.

Within my first weeks here, my heart broke upon hearing that Ninth Grade girls were dropping out of school at an alarming rate of 1/5 due to pregnancies. I paused too long and pondered too much, and the opportunity to run workshops with these girls passed me by as they began their winter vacation. I still wonder if I could have helped even one girl if I had acted sooner.

Then, our day guard told us of his inability to pay for his son's high school tuition. We brainstormed ways to help and were fairly set on an AmazonFresh-type service. Again, I paused and had to ponder this idea. When I could no longer sit still, I talked to the guard and on the fly proposed that his wife cook us dinner twice a week. We pay her a salary that allows exercise books for his 4 youngest children, and hopefully helps in paying the high school tuition as well. However, this service needs work. What will happen when we're gone? I can't quite place a checkmark in the sustainability box.

One evening, we discovered our night guard's son was in the hospital. Asking if he was doing ok, the guard replied that yes, he was ok, but the doctor said that he needs Sobo to boost his sugar levels, and he couldn’t afford to buy it. Sobo is a juice concentrate - a small bottle costs no more than $1CDN. Our guard's son was in the hospital, and he couldn't afford the $1 it would take to make him better. The next day, we gave our guard the largest bottle of Sobo we could find. Pineapple (: Was that a sustainable action? Probably not, but at times like this, compassion triumphed sustainability, and a soft heart triumphed over a strategic action plan.

Lastly, Kathleen and I saw a crippled old woman at the market dragging herself along. We avoided eye contact, and sat on the ground eating our snack. We must have had 8 bags full of groceries, but quickly shook our heads as she reached out her hand, begging. She dragged herself along, and stopped 5m away from us. As we snuck glances at her, we decided to offer her some fruit and cookies.

After 7 weeks and meeting face to face with poverty, injustice, and illness, my heart continues to break with every struggle I hear and to be uplifted with every ray of hope. After 7 weeks, I've learned that I could have all the money in the world, I could have intelligence that revolutionize systems, I could have compassion that cries at the sight of suffering, but if I have not love, I am nothing. What good is money if I don't love the poor I am supporting? What good is intellect if I don't love the beneficiaries of systems change? And what good is compassion if I don't love enough to act on my heartbreak? Nothing. Nothing is anything without love.

Yes, there are times when questions of sustainability arise. These questions should be raised a majority of the time. But also there are times, when before judging and trying to make a strategic move, it's important to simply be human and love. To let love just overwhelm you and do what your heart reveals is the right thing to do. And these moments, moments where you just love, are byfar the sweetest ones (: