paying it forward is not easy.

update: presented at pastor loel's church today and sold 10 boxes of cupcakes and 4 mocha cakes = $200 AND got to see old friends ;p not old as in old in age, but old as in from a long time ago.

yesterday, i was on my way to subway home when a young guy stopped me and said that he didn't need his day pass anymore, and asked if i wanted it. i thought it was a genuine act of kindness, so i appreciatively agreed and we parted ways.

before i even got to islington i figured i should pay it forward. i was on my way out of the station, which in my mind was the strategic location to pass along the favour, and began mission: give away day pass.

#1 a middle-aged woman. reaction: no, kept walking.
#2 a man in his 30's. reaction: ignored me. asked again, and he responded with vulgar words, thinking i was asking for money.
#3 a young couple. reaction: they had metropasses.
#4, #5 reaction: no and no.

admittedly, i was a bit discouraged and frustrated after the first 3 people, especially after the rude response by #2. isn't it a funny world we live in, where kindness is difficult to distribute? where there is no shortage of local and global issues to be dealt with and people stepping up to those issues, but also where a small, sincere act of kindness is turned away? so lessons learned:

lesson: kindness is not conditional
i admittedly did want to stop after #2 because i'm sensitive like that, but then got caught in the just-one-more mentality, where i kept believing the next person would take it. i tried a handful of times and may have failed to pay it forward, but if i had stopped trying after #1 or #2, then that would have been true failure. i would have failed because im conditioning my efforts based on the reactions of others. kindness should be taken like an exponential distribution: memory less of past failures or successes. efforts in kindness should not depend on whether the last person you tried to be kind to accepted or rejected your efforts.

edit: wow, that was mega mathie (:

lesson: not everyone wants help
i think this was highly humbling and an extremely important lesson for the summer. there i was, wide-eyed and ready to make someone's day brighter because someone had done so for me, but there were no takers. in cases where people had metropasses, i was trying to fix a problem that was already solved. in cases where people didn't have metropasses, i was trying to help in a situation where people didn't want/need help.

lesson: people don't want help from those they don't trust
a couple people responded with a kind "no, thank you" and others just reacted with a confused stare. however, had i attempted to give the pass to a friend or acquaintance, they would have surely taken it due to a level of trust we had built. in this lies the importance of building relationships. i faltered because i can't push kindness onto anyone. as good as my intentions were, clearly, it was not working for me. kindness is best passed on in its rawest, most sincere form. and this form can not be known by a complete stranger before a relationship is built. in order to effectively pass on kindness, a level of accountability and trust has to be built in order for the exchange of raw, sincere kindness to take place.

and also, if someone wants to give you their day pass, please take it. that just might make their day =)