When to Take a Leap of Faith

[ Edit: As the typed the last line, there was a knock on the door and it was the gardener, wanting to introduce 2/5 of his children to us while the eldest son worked. ]

I was chatting with my guard the other day and asked how his family was. he said his 5 children were doing well but he was upset because his eldest son got "fired" from secondary school. a term at this school is 4000MKw (~$35CDN), but he could only afford half his son's tuition and the timing is particularly bad because finals are next week. Imagine not being able to afford secondary school? My heart breaks upon hearing struggles like this.

I let my emotions calm and went to seek advice from a colleague. it seemed like a story she'd heard a thousand times over and advised not to give him the money, unless of course I wanted to.

So I've been stuck in an emotional battle over the only options my mind sees fit:

1. Give the guard money
2. Don't give him money
3. Create a solution

If I give the guard the money, presumably, his son will be able to write his exams. However, there are 2 more terms in this school year. Do I give simply because I can? Going with option 1 is a quick fix, it's not sustainable. Even if I do give him the amount, how do I know it will go towards his son's education? I'm reminded of how Elizabeth Gilbert raised money for a house for a Balinese family, but was greatly deceived along the way.

Or I could harden my heart and turn my back? If I do not give the guard money, what will happen to his son? How will his future play out? I have the opportunity to create an opportunity for change. If valued, his education could equip with the skills needed to be a change maker in Malawi.

I analyze each pro and con and weigh the arguments on my scale of sustainability. I wonder if there are ever times when the pros and cons don't need to be weighed out, and I could just count on good people doing good things. If there can be times when we don't need to play out what is sustainable, what is better for the future, or even what is right, and just act?

I think these times exist. I've seen it happen. I've experienced it happening. I got to Malawi through the leaps of faith taken by family, friends, and complete strangers that I would be a good steward of their money.

If a stranger can take a leap of faith on me, surely I should be able to do the same.

But there is a third option. It's one that takes effort, but is the best one. Instead of simply giving money or holding back, there is a middle ground and it's not too difficult. Micro-lending, setting up a service or providing small-scale employment. So we're thinking something simple. Since we don't have a vehicle, we'll pay for him to buy and deliver our groceries. We're thinking AmazonFresh minus Amazon. We'll help sell this service to the neighbours as well so that he can continue to earn tuition money after we leave. This will be done on weekends so it does not cut into the school week. I dream of this service going to scale and maybe even paying his University tuition. Imagine?

So my leap of faith is in knowing that this will work. Am I doing the right thing? I'm not quite sure, but I'm doing something, and I know that that in itself is better than nothing.

heart of grace, soul of love.

"Everybody can be great. Because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve.... You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love."

-- Martin Luther King, Jr

from i-heart (:

seek and find

One of the personal goals I set for myself during my time in Malawi was to "find God". Yes yes, I know who God is, what He's done, and what He commands, but I'm looking for more, a relationship with Him. I want faith that can move mountains, a heart that breaks for the lost. For the past month, I've been searching in books, the Bible, my strong-in-faith roommates, diligent co-workers, passionate friends, supporters back home, and the stories of the poor, but have yet to succeed. I realized that I was looking in all the wrong places. I'd become far-sighted, and couldn't see what was staring me in the face.

"The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart"

- Romans 10:8

Faith is personal. Romans 10:8 is a reminder that faith begins within. Before venturing off into foreign territory, look inside you or beside you.

Kathleen and I were discussing how we satisfy spiritual thirst along with physical thirst to the villages we visit? Because really, we're here to reach out to the rural villages. We realized that maybe that's not our battlefield(due to the circumstances, and also it's not quite sustainable). So who then can we reach out to? Answer: our co-workers, guards, neighbours. Opportunities are plentiful and friendships are already established. My job only requires me to go into the villages 2-3 times a week, and it's always different villages. I was trying to fight a fight that wasn't mine. Over the past few days, I've learned the following:

• My colleague doesn't his own children, but is raising an orphaned girl
• A high-schooler from my church was "encouraged" by my desire to use my math skills for change that he started reading about Waterloo and has his mind set on ActSci
  

I've focused so much on trying to share God's love to a distant crowd, that I've dismissed the work He can do within the people around me. It's humbling . For all I know, it could be my guards or colleagues who are the ones struggling to feed their families and it could be the people around me who are HIV/AIDS positive and fighting a constant battle. Is it not odd that I know the unemployment of Canada or Waterloo even, but don't even know the employment status of my neighbours? Or the outrageous stats of University graduates in Malawi, but don't even know if my co-workers can afford to send their children to University? It is odd, and I don't think it's right.

So not everyone'sprimary battlefield is in the rural villages of Malawi. It may not be mine, but today I learned that my night guard and I attend the same church. Your main battlefield could be the cashier you see daily at the coffee shop, your elderly neighbour, or even just your family. While(or before) helping those in the distance, don't make the mistake of overlooking those right in front of you.

click click

for the people who just like photos (:

i moved 2 houses down the hill on the weekend with kathleen and kirsten(med student from cambridge). we are definitely not roughing it here in malawi. our house is complete with hot water, a living room spacious enough for P90X and a washing machine. However, the power does go out frequently, making our electric stove unusuable. kathleen and i are sharing a fairly large room and i even have a bookshelf and reading lamp :D

monday july 6 was malawi republic day (a national holiday), and the eggerts were kind enough to let us tag along their visit to liwonde national park. we took the company truck, which was made for game parks and spent the morning driving through the game reserve. upon turning a corner at 40km/h, we came within 10 feet of a GIGANTIC elephant :O oh my. it flapped it's ears(bad sign) and we slowly and safely backed away. a few minutes later, we stumbled upon a little baby elephant. mike drove up a few meters so that we could get a look at the mama elephant. being a tourist, i had half my body out the window in attempts of getting a good shot. all of a sudden, the mama elephant flapped it's ears, raised it's trunk (another bad sign), trumpeted(extremely bad sign), and started charging towards us(sign to get out of there!). mike stomped on the gas pedal as jonny yelled "go go go!" and i went flying backwards, with my feet flipping over my head. sure beats african lion safari ;p

we had a marvelous lunch at mvuu lodge, and kathleen and i took a boat safari along the river in the afternoon. we saw more species of birds than i can count, water bucks, crocs, hippos, and we were particularly lucky to find a herd of 50+ elephants. it was amazing to see animals in their natural habitat.

at times i feel like i'm cheating, that i'm not embracing a truly malawian experience. but why does development work or missions have to mean roughing it? i'm learning, and i think that's what truly matters.

new house complete with a washing machine (:

liwonde game park (:

we got trumpeted and chased by a mama elephant hence the blurry photos :O

romans 2:13

[ Edit: Through this journey of 2 months, I want to be raw in sharing my accounts and emotions. I want to go beyond the emotional highs and the "amazingness" of being in Malawi and be transparent in who I am and what I'm feeling. ]

"For it is not those who hear the law that are righteous in God's sight, but it is those who obey the Law who will be declared righteous."

-romans 2:13

I grew up in a Christian family, am able to recite all the books of the Bible, and know how to pray in front of a crowd, but none of these indicators prove that I'm a faithful Christian. Lots of people grow up in church, memorize the song that goes along with the books of the Bible, and have heard enough prayers to know what to say to have people "Amen" your prayers.

If I had to be completely honest, God has alot of work to do on me. I don't think I quite measure up to the faith that's required of someone in my position. And to be even more honest, I wanted to come to Malawi to find God. Whether it be through experiences of hunger or through a verse that I read, I came here ready to be broken and moulded into the person God has intended for me to be. And yes, I also came here to show God's love by doing His work.

It's very easy for me to be passive but I'm learning the urgency of breaking out of my passive comforts and executing the plans God has for me. Knowing poverty is one thing, experiencing poverty is another, and acting on poverty is yet another. If I come back with a whole notebook of lessons that God has taught and do nothing, I'd be a failure. Above hearing, I need to understand, and above seeing, I need to perceive.

This verse is a challenge not only to me, but to everyone. To everyone that knows that there is poverty in the world, there is more to knowing. To everyone that sees injustice in their community, there is more to seeing. And to everyone that hears the cries of the helpless, there is more to hearing. Knowing, seeing and hearing this holds us accountable to do something, anything, may it be small or big.